


Like, Forever

by opalopal



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Motorcycles, Recovery, i guess, i think, just a lot of pain, motorcycle accident, suicide mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-09-20 10:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9486533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalopal/pseuds/opalopal
Summary: Otabek gets into a motorcycle accident, and things get angsty.





	

-

July 18, 2019

-

It was all an accident. It really was. Otabek had been paying attention. He had.

But what he hadn’t been expecting was for someone to run a red light and crash right into him. Well, not him. His motorcycle.

Otabek remembers that day like the back of his hand. He’d seen the car coming and made the split-second decision to jump off. He’d been wearing one of Yuri’s leather jackets that day - the one with the leopard print on the back. He’d just left their apartment for a few things like cat food and soup but instead he’d landed his ass in the hospital with scrapes, cuts and bruising. A sprained wrist - his left one.

He’d really fucked up his knee, too.

It’d been three weeks since the accident, and Yuri was freaking out. He’d been a mess on the actual day of the accident. He’d even called Yuuri in a moment of pure panic, shrieking Russian into the phone in the hospital, scaring a few kids and nurses.

Now Otabek was sitting in his small apartment, thinking about the accident for the millionth time since it happened. He could never get the honking out of his head, the huge truck screeching at him on the road. He shook his head and felt a hand fall on his shoulder.

He looked up at Yuri.

Of course Yuri ended up being taller than him by a couple of inches. Of course he’d filled out over the past couple of years. Otabek inhaled and exhaled, and Yuri crouched down by his chair on the balcony, waiting for him to say something. Their cat Honey meowed and walked out onto the balcony, purring against Yuri’s leg.

It jumped up into Otabek’s lap, meowing incessantly at him. Otabek finally caved in and pet him. He chanced a look at his boyfriend.

“Hi.”

Yuri sighed. “ _Otabek_.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Otabek said, picking Honey up and standing up. The heat was blistering, and he really wanted to go inside, but it wasn’t any better in his apartment. The AC had broken down a few nights ago, and they were still waiting on it getting fixed. And there was a breeze outside.

Otabek weighed his options.

He really wanted to leave. To get up and go. But he kept thinking about the moment his body hit the road, how he’d rolled so fast and how he couldn’t stop it. It wasn’t like a jump going awry during an event. It was worse. Much worse.

The road was unforgiving compared to the ice, and he would’ve traded his motorcycle accident for several bad jumps. Any day.

“We have to talk about it at some point,” Yuri said. “It’s been three weeks.”

“Yeah, well, I don't want to,” Otabek said, pushing past his boyfriend and into his apartment. He groaned at the stifling heat and put Honey down. She instantly went back out onto the balcony, jumping up on the ledge and enjoying the small breeze.

Otabek heard Yuri groan, so he walked away and locked himself in the bathroom. He took off his clothes and started a cold shower. He stared at his face - at the smalls crapes on his forehead and next to his eye. He shuddered at the thought of losing his eye and looked away from the mirror, leaning against the sink, trying to will away the anxiety building up in his body.

His left wrist and left knee still hurt like a bitch.

He looked down at it - at the immense amount of bruising.

Trying to break his fall with his wrist had been a dumb idea, but bringing his leg up to protect his body had been an even dumber idea, especially when he’d been in the middle of rolling on the pavement.

Otabek shook his head and stepped into the cold shower, clenching his jaw.

-

July 31, 2019

-

Otabek was in the middle of reading a book when Yuri plopped down on the couch next to him, taking out his phone. Otabek didn’t say anything at first. He only continued to read.

“Are you really gonna be stubborn about it?” Yuri finally caved after the silence started to get awkward.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Yuri,” Otabek said. The AC had gotten fixed a day ago, and they’d been reveling in it by shutting all the windows and closing the shades. They’d cranked it last night and had cuddled, but somehow Otabek had still been hot. 

He’d still been going through minor panic attacks that would seize his body anytime and anywhere.

While he was showering. While he was grocery shopping with Yuri. Wherever he could hear cars or motorcycles running. 

So, basically, everywhere.

“Like hell there isn’t anything to talk about,” Yuri said, putting his phone on the small, battered coffee table in front of them. He looked at Otabek, raising his arms in a sign of defeat. “I don’t get it, Beka. You’re obviously still-”

“I’m fine, Yuri,” Otabek said through gritted teeth. He got up, but Yuri grabbed him by the T-shirt and yanked him back down onto the couch.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Yuri said. Softer this time. He was trying to patient, and it made Otabek feel worse for not talking to him sooner. But the thing about Otabek was that he didn’t _want_ to talk. It wasn’t a thing in his family. It wasn’t a thing he’d _ever_ done before.

His father never talked. His father’s father had never talked. It just wasn’t a thing men in his family had ever done. The most they’d ever talked was during sports games.

“I don’t . . . I don’t _talk_ , Yuri,” Otabek said, still looking down at his book. He gripped the pages. He realized he wasn’t breathing, so he inhaled sharply and felt a lump forming in his throat. He got up again, but Yuri pulled him back down.

Otabek threw the book down on the coffee table and wrenched away from Yuri’s hands, his face scrunched up in anger.

“Fuck off, Yuri!” Otabek snapped.

“Beka! What the fuck?!”

Otabek finally managed to get away from the couch, and he tried to walk down the hallway to the bathroom, but Yuri blocked him, putting his hands on the walls, glowering down at him.

“Beka!”

“What the fuck do you want, Yuri?” Otabek seethed. He threw his hands up. “You want a fucking confessional? A little cry fest? You want me to moan about my fucking problems?” Before Yuri could answer, Otabek scoffed at him and turned around, heading for the front door. “Fuck off.”

Otabek was shaking aggressively. To the point it seemed unhealthy. He managed to get to the front door, but Yuri slammed it shut when he opened it.

“You think I’m trying to get you to cry?!” Yuri shouted, tears falling down his cheeks. “You think I’m trying to _expose_ you or something? I’m your fucking boyfriend, Beka!” Yuri shoved Otabek away from the door. He stumbled back and stared at the floor. At Yuri’s pale pink socks. “I’m here to _help_ you!”

“I don’t want-”

“That’s what people in love _do_!” Yuri shouted over Otabek. Otabek looked up at Yuri, a glazed over look in his eyes.

Otabek scoffed and turned around, heading for the bathroom.

“Leave me alone, Yuri. You’re only making it worse.”

“I don’t know how to help you!” Yuri said, and Otabek froze when he heard him start to sob. They were free sobs, and Otabek’s throat felt tight. Too tight.

-

August 5, 2019

-

Otabek woke up 6 AM.

A nightmare.

His body was drenched in sweat, and he hated it. Hated it, hated it, hated it. He growled and ripped the covers off his body. He jogged to the bathroom, and he heard Yuri mumble something, just waking up.

Otabek closed and locked the door, breathing hard.

_Fuck._

-

August 8, 2019

-

Otabek sat on the balcony, staring at the last bits of his knee’s bruise. They were fading away.

He and Yuri hadn’t talked since yesterday. They’d gotten into another argument over something stupid. It had escalated into something ugly.

Otabek had been ignoring calls from his mother since this morning. He was supposed to have gotten breakfast with her, but he’d decided not to. And to not tell anyone. Otabek closed his eyes, but it was getting harder and harder to get any rest. Every time he closed his eyes, he felt like he was going to die. Like his soul was going to get sucked right out of him.

He’d closed his eyes right before he hit the pavement, and he didn’t want to relive that. Not again.

Otabek gripped the armrest of the cheap plastic chair and groaned softly. 

He hadn’t slept in over twenty hours.

-

August 12, 2019

-

Yuri guilt-tripped Otabek into going grocery shopping with him that night. Yuri watched carefully as his boyfriend got ready, slipping into some sandals before they headed out. Yuri waited by the front door, reusable grocery bags under his right arm.

“You good?” Yuri asked softly.

“. . . Yeah,” Otabek said, standing up. Yuri had to look away. He couldn’t get used to the dark circle’s under his boyfriend’s eyes.

They headed down to the marketplace, and Otabek stayed very far from the road. He glowered ahead at the people who were in his way, and they seemed to get the message and move out of the way. Yuri was about to say something, but he stopped himself.

When they got to their usual marketplace, they shopped for a few things, and Yuri even got Otabek to smile after a lame joke he’d made in the dairy section. As they shuffled outside, reusable bags brimming with ingredients for future lunches and dinners, a car’s tires squealed, and Otabek froze. Someone bumped into him and apologized but kept moving.

“. . . Beka?” Yuri asked softly.

Otabek inhaled sharply and felt himself shaking. His legs wouldn’t move. Did he even have any legs?

Yuri picked up Otabek’s bags and gave them back to him. (More like he shoved them into his arms.) Otabek had to grab them before they fell, and he blinked up at his boyfriend.

Yuri stared down at Otabek’s pale face and dark circles and sighed.

“Beka, when we get home, we’re crying.”

 

Later that night, after they got all of their grocery produce stowed away, Yuri pulled Otabek into bed. They sat down cross-legged in the center of Otabek’s queen-sized mattress.

Yuri had left the window open specifically so they could hear the city below them. The cars and motorcycles.

Otabek looked like he was going to pass out.

Yuri reached out and touched Otabek’s face in the semi-darkness - the glow of the city was illuminating Otabek’s bedroom ever so slightly.

“. . . I’m sorry,” Otabek said, touching Yuri’s hand with his own. He still couldn’t look at him.

“You don’t have to apologize,” Yuri sighed. “I was definitely way too focused on trying to _heal_ you, I guess you could say. I’m sorry, Beka. I just wanted us to have fun this summer. I . . . I got carried away with trying to make everything okay.”

“That’s what boyfriends do,” Otabek said softly. He chuckled slightly.

“So . . . You wanna talk about it?” Yuri whispered, almost afraid to prod. Actually, scratch that. He was petrified.

“Nobody ever taught me how to talk,” Otabek started off slowly, glancing up at Yuri. “My father would laugh at me if I cried. It was a sign of weakness. My mother tried to help me, but I just started to see that as something weak too. She would tell me it was okay to do everything my father hated, but I hated that. I hated that she’d say that. A lot.

“Anyway, nobody talked about anything. One day my uncle committed suicide because he’d been in debt, but I heard my mother crying about how it’d been depression. My father laughed at her. He said my uncle was weak. My mother tried to kick him out that night, but he didn’t leave. He took me to the park and told me to stop crying.”

Yuri leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to Otabek’s boyfriend, shaking. He cupped his face and made him look up at him.

“You’re so . . . brave, Beka,” Yuri choked, staring at him. Otabek tried to shake his head, but Yuri squished his cheeks together. “Beka, why did you say I had the eyes of a soldier?”

“Because . . . Ugh, Yuri, do we really have to talk about that right now?”

“Fine. I’ll continue,” Yuri huffed, still not letting go of his boyfriend’s face. “You said I had the eyes of a soldier because you thought I was brave. And a badass. Which I am. But that’s not the point.” Yuri huffed. “You probably said I had the eyes of a soldier because you saw determination. Something new . . . _That’s_ what I see in you, Beka. Something new. 

“You were defeated, yeah, but that happens to everyone. I was defeated, but I became something new. That’s how we all are, Beka, and just because you show a weakness doesn’t _not_ make you a soldier. It works the exact opposite way . . . Just - Just because a soldier loses a battle doesn’t mean he’s lost the war . . . Okay?”

Otabek nodded.

They cried.

-

August 25, 2019

-

Of course Yuri had forgotten his wallet at the grocery store. Otabek groaned and slipped into his sandals, walking downstairs to the front of the apartment building. He shoved his wallet into one of his pockets, and he glanced down at this left knee. It looked good. Better. Healed.

He got to the sidewalk and stopped short, the door to the apartment building banging shut.

There stood Yuri in his leopard print leather jacket, holding two helmets in his arms. And there was a motorcycle parked on the sidewalk, which was totally illegal. It looked brand new - nothing like his old motorcycle. But it was . . . It looked and felt familiar just from where Otabek was standing a few feet away.

“Come on, Beka,” Yuri said, walking towards him. Yuri handed him a helmet, giving him a loving look. “We can do this.”

Otabek had a feeling he was trying to express something bigger than his motorcycle accident and his so-called recovery. Was he talking about their relationship? The future? He didn’t know.

All he knew was that there was a motorcycle right in front of him, and he wanted to get on it again. But he was still afraid of the sound. The engine humming. Eating him whole. Like a hole in the pavement opening up to consume him. Snatch away his soul.

He swallowed thickly and looked at Yuri. He was going to panic.

“Here,” Yuri said, putting a helmet on him. He gave Otabek his leather jacket, zipped it up, and dragged him over to the motorcycle. Yuri worked quickly, grabbing his phone.

Otabek adjusted his helmet, wondering why there was extra padding around the ear area.

“It works like headphones,” Yuri beamed, playing a song. It instantly started to play in Otabek’s ears, and he couldn’t hear anything. ([HONNE - All In The Value](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SMczvG9pHo)) Yuri said something, but he couldn’t hear him. He tried to give him the keys, but Otabek pushed them back at Yuri. He got on the back of the motorcycle and looked at Yuri, waiting.

Yuri nodded once and then twice, quickly, blushing. He jumped on the motorcycle, and Otabek watched his long legs slither over the vehicle. Yuri put on his own helmet, turned on the motorcycle, and then they were off.

Otabek wrapped his arms around Yuri, burying his forehead into his back, closing his eyes. The song kept playing on repeat as they drove around Almaty, and Yuri tried his best to not make any sharp turns. To always look out for a rogue car.

But there was nothing. Just the city and Otabek holding him so tight it almost suffocated him.

-

August 29, 2019

-

Otabek woke up one morning to Honey purring against his head. He blinked wearily and saw that the side of his bed was empty. He got up and walked to the kitchen in his small apartment, Honey trailing him.

He looked into the kitchen and saw Yuri sitting on the balcony, talking to Yuuri. Otabek crept up to the balcony to listen.

“Yeah . . . I - I think I do. Love him. A lot. And want to, like, love him. For a long time. Like, forever.”

A few seconds later, Yuri jumped up from his seat on the balcony, flaming.

“Yuuri! You didn’t tell me it was on speaker! Kill Victor! Kill him right now! He can’t know this kind of shit!”

Yuri whirled around, about to argue further, but he saw Otabek standing there. Yuri choked and dropped his phone, face paling.

Otabek slid the glass door open and smiled at Yuri. “I think I’d like to, like, love you. For a long time. Like, forever.”

 

-

 

A/N: Inspired by this [ask](https://otayuri-only.tumblr.com/post/156474268537/hc-otabek-and-yuri-have-been-dating-for-a-while) on Tumblr!

This is also [my](https://opalopalopal.tumblr.com) Tumblr!

Also, I promise I'm writing more for my main fan fiction. Please don't kill me!

Comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!


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